2018

image via Pinterest

It's been a while. 

I have been missing for way too long and I definitely feel guilty about my recent neglect for this platform but I had my reasons! The main reason I've been gone is pure laziness. Not going to lie to you all but life just got in the way. I also was self doubting thinking 'do people even care about this stuff?' because I was so bothered about the amount of views a post would get. Just last week a girl messaged me on Instagram asking about a certain product I'd mentioned before but she couldn't find anything about it on my blog. And it just made me think that it doesn't matter how many people see a certain post or review on my blog because those people trust my opinion enough buy a something based on my recommendation. I just love to share the things I love! And I love when you girls message me with questions so never hesitate! 

My time away has let me reflect on things and I want to be real and authentic with everything I do. I just want to write about things that make me happy and not worry what other bloggers are doing because we're all different. 

I'm sure most of you are aware of the drama surrounding the Irish blogging community at the moment and the whole topic of people over-editing or manipulating photos to show a better version of themselves made me think about how I had been censoring my online presence in my own way. A lot of people don't realise that Instagram is a highlight reel of peoples lives and so many girls are comparing themselves to these one-time photos that show a split second of a persons lives. 

 If you take look at my Instagram you would have no idea that I am suffering with a chronic illness. I feel as though I'm not being truthfull by not speaking about something that I affects me almost every day. I haven't been posting on Instagram much lately and I haven't posted on Snapchat in months (worlds worst snapchatter by the way) because I don't want to pretend that I feel fine just to show you what I've been up to that day.I think it's important to remember everyone is human and has their own issues that they deal with. What you see online isn't always real life.

 I've recently discovered that I am suffering from Fibromyalgia which is a chronic pain condition. It means my joints and muscles all over my body ache almost everyday, I get migraines and I'm constantly exhausted due to chronic fatigue. Basically it feels like my body is sick - you know that horrible pain your body gets when you have the flu.. except I don't have the flu. If any of you have seen Lady Gaga's documentary on Netflix you'll see that she suffers with the condition too. And honestly if it wasn't for her sharing that part of her life I probably wouldn't have heard of Fibromyalgia because her voice got so much attention from the press. It finally all makes sense to me after years of not knowing why my body felt this way and why I always wanted to stay in on my days off or skip a girls night out because I was too tired.

 Although I now have peace of mind knowing what's wrong with me, I also have had to accept that this is something I will have to live with. I'm so lucky to have support from my family and my boyfriend who are all so patient and understanding with me when I have days that I can't seem to get out of bed or do 'normal' things. I can't count the amount of times I've had to cancel food plans with Cian because the pain was so bad I just needed to lie in bed all day.(Sorry babe!)

I've had to adjust to my new normal which means taking everything one day at a time and finally listening to what my body needs. I remember months ago before I even heard of the condition I would get these flu-like symptoms and feel absolutely horrible but I refused to call in sick to work because I didn't want to let my job down and of course I ended up making myself worse. That mindset is completely gone because at the end of the day you have to look after yourself, no one else is going to do that for you. And that goes for anything you may be dealing with in life. You have to put yourself first and I'm trying to take care of myself from the inside out. I have my good days and bad days and I'm used to hiding my pain on a day to day basis but it's okay to ask for help. 

One thing that has helps me feel more human on my worst days is something some people might find superficial but dressing as I normally would and doing my hair and makeup does wonders for my happiness. There's only so many messy bun and pyjama days you can take! If I dressed for how I felt I would wear a duvet around everyday but it's nice to look at myself and feel 'normal' on the outside even though you would never know the pain I'm in on the inside. I'm finding ways to keep my soul happy and that includes something as small as sharing what makeup I'm wearing or where I bought something because it's hopefully helping someone else feel good about themselves too.

 So for that reason I will be posting more on my blog again! No promises as to how often but I will be posting when I feel up to it. My hopes of starting a Youtube channel are on hold for the moment until I have a better understanding of my body but fingers crossed!

 If any of you have Fibromyalgia and know any tips or tricks to make things easier please let me know! I'm trying out CBD oil at the moment along with my medication but any help is welcome. Yoga is supposed to really help so that will be one of my daily goals for 2018.

I had no idea where I was going with this post and my arms are absolutely aching as I type but I really wanted to be transparent with you all. And even though I will still be posting my usual OOTD'S and selfies on Instagram, I won't be pressuring myself to be at the same pace as others.

Aisling x